I Am Not Writing From A Position Of Hurt

No, I am not hurt. I get that a lot from Christians. It’s usually one of the first reactions I get when I ask questions or say things to which they have no answers.

I have put this religion to the test. I have pushed the boundaries of Christianity. I have stood on the promises of the Bible. I even had those sensations and visions where I felt the loving arms of Jesus Christ wrapped around me. I heard his “voice” speaking to me. I had a “relationship” with Him that most Christians would envy. He had all my devotion, my praise, my time, my passion, my affection, my money. That was until the day that I needed something from Him. I needed Him to do just one single thing for me. And all I got was just silence…

Aah, I can already see you formulating counter arguments in your mind. “So Andre is just angry at God because God didn’t answer his prayer”. But before you pass judgment, please consider the following and think about whether I REALLY acted unreasonably…

That day, after ANOTHER unanswered prayer (probably the most important unanswered prayer of my life) I finally allowed my mind to go where my faith forbid me to go previously. I actually questioned God. I mustered up the courage to ask myself, if this ONE thing in the Bible doesn’t work (and as a Christian I believed the ENTIRE Bible to be true), how can I then trust ANYTHING the Bible says?

Mark 16:17 And these signs will accompany those who believe: in my name they will cast out demons; they will speak in new tongues; 18 they will pick up serpents with their hands; and if they drink any deadly poison, it will not hurt them; they will lay their hands on the sick, and they will recover.” 

Mark 11:24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 

Sure I was ready to go back to that old familiar place where I had gone a thousand times before, where I questioned MYSELF about this specific unanswered prayer. Was I praying according to God’s will? Did I have too much unbelief? Was I simply missing something? And in one terrifying moment, I allowed my mind to race past all these questions for the first time ever. And when I did, it suddenly felt like “waking up” in an entirely new dimension. Something “clicked” in my mind… I was simply asking for God to heal my daughter, and yet she was only one single person. What about all the millions of prayers going up every day from the famine stricken plains of central Africa? If God didn’t answer the prayers of those kids, why would He answer mine? Were they outside his reception area?

outside coverage area

Still, dozens of Bible verses raced through my mind, trying to justify God’s inability/refusal to answer my prayer. But in a few short minutes I had looked at them from almost every single angle. And because my daughter still lay sick before me with a life threatening condition, I allowed my mind to wander even further. I also heard the counter arguments from my past coming against what was happening to me:

“But we can never completely understand God.”

“Some day we will understand everything.”

“God has a plan and a purpose for everything”.

Really?

And within the span of a few sobering hours, the entire house of cards regarding PRAYER came tumbling down for me. I knew this was simply the beginning of questioning everything I believed in, but I had a strong suspicion I was in for some serious changes…

I wasn’t angry with God and still am not. I am simply a victim of LOGIC. One thought led to another, and the circumstances (unfortunately for my faith) become dire enough for me to allow myself to search for answers beyond a religion which didn’t deliver on it’s conditional promises.

 Think about this for a minute:

missing children

And this:

saved from natural disaster

And this:

thank you jesus

And this:

what would you do if you were god

I can go on and on (I REALLY can!), but I think you get the point.

I don’t need to believe that there is a God who cares for me to make sense of the present anymore.  I don’t need to hold onto the promise of eternal reward to act morally. I know other people do, but I don’t. I have found these last few months that I am quite able to act morally, love my family and make responsible and wise decisions without the help of an invisible deity.

Please don’t see my posts as being mocking or provocative. Instead when you read them I would encourage you to THINK about them. And if they make sense then don’t just ignore them. Allow your mind to GO there where religion doesn’t allow it to go. Dare to ask yourself those difficult, forbidden questions. And don’t be scared when logic and reason come running to rescue you from the magical fairy tale land where religion has left you stranded in…

 

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