I was a Christian Fanatic

I was once a Christian fanatic. For most of my childhood, I hated everything that went against my beliefs, and I was not afraid or ashamed to show it. I even made several plans (none of them were good plans, but they were plans) to commit terrorist acts in the name of God. God was the purpose of everything, and that purpose consumed me. If you were to put Christianity and observable reality next to each other, and they contradicted each other, I would have said reality was wrong. It wasn’t until I saw Christianity contradict itself that I started the process of becoming sane.

You see, I was, in spite of my fanaticism, a rather intelligent and, more importantly, curious child. I wanted to learn everything I could about what God wanted, and the more I learned, the more the cognitive dissonance built up in my head. It became too much to bear, and so I finally sought to reconcile my beliefs. I realized that the Christian account of reality could not possibly be true, and so, I converted away from Christianity.

For a while after that, I was a Deist (belief in a nondescript creator-deity), though on occasion I would try to found my own religion. I independently realized for myself what I later learned was the Cosmological Argument for God’s existence, and argued that idea on a scientific forum. Due to my inability to properly articulate what I was trying to say, however, things got, well… chaotic. There was rampant cronyism; moderators were breaking the rules they were supposed to enforce; at one point I threatened suicide (I’m kinda depressed, so it wasn’t much of a loss in my mind)…

Eventually, someone finally figured out what I was trying to say, and showed me a link which, upon accessing, revealed to me that new discoveries in quantum physics revealed that something actually CAN come from nothing, which took away what is basically the cornerstone of the Cosmological Argument. Realizing that my argument was therefore wrong, I tried again to come up with proof that a god existed, but I couldn’t think of anything. About a year or two later, I was ready to realize that the Cosmological Argument was the only reason I still believed in any deity, and no other reason was going to replace it. I thus became an Agnostic Atheist, which I remain as to this day.